Baring It All...

My belly has gone far and beyond what I ever thought it would... I've carried two large baby boys to term (both 8lbs+ and both 2+ weeks early!!) and while pregnant, I could not believe just how big my bump got.  I used to think to myself in the later weeks... it CAN'T get any bigger... but it did... and did... and did.  I LOVED my bump the first time, but for some reason, I felt differently the second time.  I was ecstatic about the pregnancy of course, but I didn't have the same love for the way my body looked. I was luckier the first time around.  I remember feeling so surprised at how flat my belly was after having Ollie and how fast I lost the weight.  I was back in pre-pregnancy jeans 2 weeks later and weighed what I did before I got pregnant.  I had a few stretch marks but nothing too major or noticeable... I was really happy with how I looked!

This time around, I guess it has something to do with the fact my belly was stretched beyond belief for a second time... my belly just isn't the same.  After having Nate, I again, lost the baby weight really fast.  Believe it or not I weigh a little less now than I did when we were trying to get pregnant with Nate.  In clothes I think I look ok for someone who only gave birth 6 months ago.

But... when I'm getting dressed in the morning etc, I sometimes cringe at seeing myself in the mirror.  I don't like seeing the way my belly looks, but then I feel guilty for feeling so insecure, when really I should be astounded.  My body changed twice in 4 years... an incredible amount of change... and I brought two gorgeous little boys into the world... I feel like I shouldn't care. But sometimes I do.  I wish I didn't.  I guess it's not so much about how bad it looks.... but more about how unfamiliar it is.  I look at my belly and it doesn't feel like it's me.

When I'm clothed and wearing something I love, I don't give what's underneath a second thought.  I look in the mirror everyday trying to be more accepting and I keep telling myself that I never was and never will be a supermodel.... and who wants to be that stick thin anyway!? Ha!  I need a real kick up the bum... I need to remember that there is so much more to life than how that bit of skin at the front of my tummy looks.  Why are so many of us so hard on ourselves??  I've grown and given birth to two little boys... two little boys who sat, snuggly in my belly for 9 months each, absolutely thriving.  I have a husband who loves me and thinks I'm quite sexy despite the way my belly looks.  I need to realise that it DOESN'T MATTER.  I'm not overweight... I'm a perfectly average weight... I shouldn't care that a part of my skin doesn't look how it used to.

I've been through a lot to be where I am now... a mum of two.... and a flabby stomach covered in stretch marks and wrinkles, is a tiny tiny tiny price to pay.

This photo is what I look like now... 6 months after giving birth to my second baby... the marks are there because I'm a mother and I feel SO incredibly lucky to be one.